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jportugal

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May 10 12 12:32 PM

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Ok this is maybe the longest post I have ever written, but to get to know me, perhaps you might understand why I write.

Let me make one thing clear, you know one of those people that seem to exhibit confidence and fearlessness and can do anything they want…that’s what people think about me. And there wrong. I am not feeless; I am just not scared of failing. Maybe because I’ve failed at everything I have ever done first time, I mentally know how to prepare for failure and can cope with it better than others. Confidence I have to fake and eventually it comes, but when it comes to my writing.

Well I love books, I love the written word and even though I’ve had over a dozen poems published I have never had a story. And to be honest, I’m scared, I’m scared people will tell me I’m useless, that I’m rubbish and in all honesty only about 5 people know of my dreams of being a writer, because I don’t want them to ridicule me. (The five people support me all the way though)

Sometimes I feel like I’m mentally walking a knife edge about what I want and what people expect of me. I also have this condition that can make things like writing difficult. I really don’t want to go into detail, but at times the words in my head are stuck and the frustration I feel when my brain isolates me is something to much to tolerate.

So that’s why I write or try too, I have something to prove to myself, I have something to prove. I have this dream of picking up the book showing my story and saying “see that, that is mine, I wrote that”.

So that’s why I write!

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jportugal

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May 12 12 2:42 PM

you are so right about the "editing part". Sometimes...OK well most times, when I'm getting it all out, the words get jumbled. i actually have 2 proof readers, my best friends who lets call M and E, the ones who are supportive of my dreams. I really have a lot to learn about this whole thing...but am a willing student, promise and thank you xx

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